My friends, they love my intelligence
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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