The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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