I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
