I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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