Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize