I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
