After last night, I could never be a politician.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
