Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
