i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
