Swine flu. Run for my life!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
