Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm always down for nudity.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
