I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
