Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
