Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize