Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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