so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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