last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
