Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
