Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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