I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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