That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
