Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
