sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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