Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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