Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
