All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All the doctor said was why
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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