my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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