Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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