i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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