Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
