Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
