Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just had sex bonerless
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
