Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize