Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
