after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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