I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
