One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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