I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
