PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
