If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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