I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
