i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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