just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
