are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
