I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
