Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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