You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
