I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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