So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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