I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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