It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
