Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
