hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
