wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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