Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
