Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
