yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
