I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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