I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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