you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
