He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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