My cat gives me a boner
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
