i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In other news, I just burned my penis
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
