there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
