I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
