Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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