I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
