can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
