out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize