She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
